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Depression: How I Found my Way Out, 19 Years Ago

Depression: How I Found my Way Out, 19 Years Ago

Posted by Kenny Vaughan on 16th Aug 2020

I wanted to share this because, with all that’s going on around us right now, I am hearing that record numbers of people are struggling with depression.

I’ve got to tell you, I thought never in a million years would I be struggling with this. I thought I would be the last one to be dealing with depression.

But 19 years ago, when I realized how deep a depression I had fallen into, I struggled to get out of it for about 18 months, before God led me out.

I had no idea how to get out and if I had had some guidance and direction, I think it would have been so much easier, so I want to offer you some of that.

There are different kinds of depression and depression sets in for different reasons. I experienced what I think the vast majority of people experience, and that is the depression that comes from some tragic event or a tremendous fear or anxiety that haunts us over a long period of time.

There is a depression that is totally unrelated to that, one that’s brought on solely by a change in brain chemistry. I don’t understand that depression, but I know it’s treated by medication. I am not for medication or against medication, though I didn’t take medication. I know, it is important that we realize we cannot just depend on medication alone. We have to find our way out to stay out.

I believe I fell into depression because I went through something I worried about as much as you can worry about anything – nonstop -- for probably three months. Then this thing went away, but I didn’t feel better. And I had no idea why I didn’t feel better. But I think, when we stay anxious over something for so long, something changes in our perceptions, our minds and emotions.

So, even after the problem I had been worrying about went away, the clouds from it remained, and I didn’t know why I was down. So, I set about exhausting everything I knew to do to try to come out of the dark place I was in. But nothing I did seemed to make any difference whatsoever. Depression had set in and seemed intent on staying around.

How Did I Get Depressed? How Do I Get Out?

I kept struggling with the reason for my downcast feelings, until I saw something on television about depression. I saw the symptoms listed. I had all the symptoms. A light went off…I was depressed. How did I get depressed.? How do I get out of this?

I went all over the place hitting dead-ins for about 18 months.

Now, I know that you get out of depression the same way you got in. If it’s the depression I had -- because you gave 100 percent of your undivided attention to some fear, some loss, some tragedy, some horrible thing for weeks or months on end – it changes something in your head. The way you get out is to give 100 percent of your undivided attention to the truth…to God’s love.

But you have to do it relentlessly, for weeks on end before something changes. And because you didn’t just snap in to depression, you can’t instantly snap out of depression: I think it is important that you find ways to survive depression while you are in it.

Here are some things I did that didn’t help me feel better, but they helped me feel less down: (You may need to find your own safe and pure things that bring you relief.)

  • Sitting by water, by the lake
  • Sitting by a warm fire
  • Listening to music--not any music -- but God-loving Christian music with a truthful message.
  • Reading God’s Word
  • Spending time with my family – doing little things like just going to get a soda with them.

These things took some of the pressure off until I accidentally stumbled on the way out I had been looking for.

Tammie had just had our first baby. Every night Tammie would rock Faith to sleep and sing to her. (I loved being around Tammie. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I didn’t want Tammie to know I was depressed.) So, I would get the Bible and sit in the room with them and read the Book of James while Tammie would sing to Faith and rock her to sleep.

I was in such an ugly place, I would read a sentence in James, but have no idea what I had just read. And I would have to read it again and read it again and read it again. I read the book of James no less than 30 times. When I read God’s Word, I felt relief. I didn’t come out of depression, but I felt less suffering.

Let God's Truth Fight Your Depression

I kept reading God’s Word, and then I thought, if God’s Word is helping, I need more of God’s Word. So, I started memorizing scriptures to repeat to myself during the day, all day, over and over. The first one I memorized was this: I cast down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself to the knowledge of God. And I would bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

And then I would speak other scriptures to myself:

  • God has not given me a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
  • For, I know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.

I memorized these scriptures because every time I fought depression, every time I fought the fear in my head, I got worse. But when I spoke God’s word to myself, I got better. His Word made a difference. This is what it led to, repeating scriptures to myself all day long for weeks on end, maybe a hundred or thousand times a day.

Here’s what happened. Week after week after week, I repeated scriptures all day. It gave me relief, which is the only reason I was doing it. But it didn’t make the depression go away. I realized one day that I had forgotten who I was, and I wanted to be that person again.

But then, I woke up one morning, and felt there had been a break in the clouds. That day, for about a quarter of the day, the clouds had lifted – just for a few hours, but it gave the light I needed. It gave me hope.

Then I pressed in harder and I persisted and persisted and persisted. Then, for days, nothing. Then, one morning, I woke up and had half a good day…then, after a couple more days, I felt no clouds for about three-quarters of a day.

After that, we were leaving for a beach vacation and I was scared to go because I didn’t think I would even enjoy it. But I kept pressing in. The first night at the beach, I felt another break in the clouds, in my depression; a lift of my spirit, my heart, my soul.

I kept persisting until I felt the break-throughs all day, every day. Since then, the darkness of depression has never come back -- never since.

You can’t fight depression and win. You must focus, not on depression, but on God’s truth.

Plant a Seed of Faith at Your Feet

You clear one little spot at your feet. You plant a seed of faith at your feet—God’s Word. You give 100 percent of your undivided attention to this faith. You speak God’s Word.
About the time you think it is all for nothing. That seed is going to take root and grow until the truth and love of God’s Word is taller than the depression in your mind, and it’s going to choke depression out of you.

Let Us Help You Find the Light at the End of the Tunnel

If you don’t know God’s Word -- you don’t know scriptures -- write to us and ask for the scriptures for depression--several scriptures on dog tags you can memorize and speak to yourself relentlessly. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Depression was by far the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life. But I’m going to tell you, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, now that it is behind. It changed me. I have more compassion and more desire for the little things, and I have an ability to understand and to share.

Trust God’s Word no matter what, Keep these eyes on the horizon!

1 Samuel 30:6
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.

2Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Laus Deo,