For the past several years I’ve been sick, I have mostly been a pediatric patient. Slowly (and reluctantly), I’ve ventured into the “adult” world of medicine.
What’s so nice about the pediatric world is that it’s butterflies and rainbows. It’s all things bright and beautiful in the midst of illness and symptoms that are the exact opposite. Children’s hospitals work exceptionally hard to make the environment sunny for kids—there’s bright lights and colors, Frozen stickers, lollipops, and sweet nurses who draw flowers on your picc line bandage (and help you name your vein George). It’s hard leaving that world.
Today, I officially left my last pediatric doctor. Up until now, I still saw my pediatrician (just like Ross on Friends, I was that one 23-year-old with all the toddlers - I just couldn’t let her go. She carried me through so many tough years.
As I met with my new primary care doctor today, I explained what I’d been diagnosed with, what surgeries I’ve had, what hospitals I’ve traveled to, and what specialists I’ve seen.
I know this was a lot of information for her to absorb, but she was kind and gracious not to sprint for the door! I have my medical “story” down to a science, so I can tell it without any emotion.
But on the way home, I felt a heaviness in my spirit as I thought back on everything.
As I was listening to a song, the lyrics hit the core of my heart. “You’ve been so, so good to me. Oh to think where I would be if not for You. As far as heights reach from the depths, as far as east is from the west, so far Your grace has carried me. Until I see You face to face, until at last I've won my race, remind me You're not finished yet. Hallelujah, I live in remembrance.”
Today, I live in remembrance of what Jesus has carried me through. Almost eight years of sickness. Growing up with pain. A life altered. 14 surgeries. 38 port accesses. Tube feedings. Hospital stays. Disappointment. Grief and heartache. Trying circumstances.
After my doctor reviewed all my files, she took a breath and said, “You’ve been through so much.” All I could say was, “The circumstances are not good but God is good.” Oh, to think where I would be without Him.