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Don't Let Fear Destroy Your Relationship

Don't Let Fear Destroy Your Relationship

Posted by Gabe Vaughan on 16th Feb 2018


Fear is one of the most destructive forces in the world! It causes you to do the things that will make your fears come true and it rarely motivates the right behavior. Men view fear as weakness and use macho behavior mask it.

I have found that most women don't even try to hide it. They are openly fearful of rejection, disconnection, abuse and not being valued. Core fears for women are disconnection, not being heard, and losing love and appreciation. Men are afraid of helplessness, being controlled, failing and being disrespected. Timidity and angst fuels conflict between couples, often resulting in verbal and physical confrontations.


To create a healthy relationship, we have to understand and disarm that fear. Unfortunately, for men this can be hard. Concerns of appearing weak often leads men to make comments and take actions that increases their fear. Our most basic fears, like the fear of rejection, come from our needs not being met, like our need for love. We close off our hearts and emotions to minimize pain. Other fears are part of our design. God created us to have choice. A perceived lack of choice fuels fear. Dispair of being controlled is a prominent source of conflict between spouse.


Fears also come from our past. When something damages you, it triggers tremendous dispair in your life. To overcome fear, we have to humbly admit that we are afraid and that our anxieties impact our decisions and behaviors. You have to be able to open up and say “I’m afraid of this and I know it’s wrong. Help me deal with it.” Then, take responsibility for your behavior.

It is cathartic to Say, “My fears caused me to do this and I know I was wrong. Once confessed, give those fears to God and trust Him. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Humility to me is one of the most attractive qualities in a person. I believe it is also one of the things that motivate God's mercy and love the most. Don't let dispair steal what God has planed for you. Remember, you cannot hide from fear and rejection, and you cannot control your way out of dispair. However, you can humbly acknowledge your fears, trust God, and live a courageous life. You can conquer the fear that robs your life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9